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Submitting to unwanted sex destroyed Kate’s love for her husband
But she considered killing herself before she could imagine leaving
In this electrifying literary memoir, Kate Hamilton deftly traces her complicated journey from loving wife to gaslit victim to furious feminist with an urgent goal: to expose how women are pressured to uphold the institutions of marriage and family, no matter the cost.
In the tradition of Know My Name and The Argonauts, Hamilton braids her own story with cultural criticism to argue that we must face the misogyny lurking in the shadows of marriage in the 21st century. She examines the beliefs and conditioning that held her in an increasingly destructive marriage and unflinchingly documents what she did to keep her family together—therapy, unwanted sex with her husband, swinging, affairs, an abortion—without always knowing what she freely chose. And she considers the damage that was done, to herself and others, until she could acknowledge that to save herself and her sons, she had to destroy her marriage.
Emotionally intense and timely, Mad Wife interrogates how marriage and the institutions that support it provide the perfect ecosystem for abuse of women and children, endangering their lives and denying them autonomy—all in the service of men’s desires.
“How does the patriarchy uphold standards that support and normalize abuse like this? Hamilton both asks and answers that question in her honest and eye-opening story.”
—Kirkus Reviews
“Harrowing, fierce, intimate, and ultimately empowering, Mad Wife is a brilliant memoir for our moment. A feminist must-read.”
—Kate Manne, author of Down Girl: The Logic of Misogyny
“Kate Hamilton has written a memoir that I’m dying to talk about with every woman I know. Beautifully written, unbelievably brave, unflinchingly honest, Mad Wife is an indictment of heterosexual marriage and, specifically, sex within marriage. Hamilton’s is a story of how patriarchy has designed marriage to gaslight a woman for the entirety of a relationship, to distort her understanding of consent and her own desires, and to entitle a husband to his wife’s body. This memoir will have women readers reassessing every sexual encounter they’ve ever had with a partner and wondering why it has taken so long for a book like this to exist.”
—Donna Freitas, author of Consent: A Memoir of Unwanted Attention
“Lucid, measured, searing, important. Kate Hamilton draws an intricate map of her heart-space, courageously taking us on her journey of love, heartbreak, awakening, and triumph. I am deeply renewed by her words, a beautiful reclamation of a precious life that is her own and a reminder that we belong to ourselves.”
—Beverly Gooden, author of Surviving: Why We Stay and How We Leave
“Kate Hamilton methodically parses the complexities, cruelties, and chaos of heterosexual marriage norms while somehow maintaining a sense of compassion and hope. A must-read for those seeking to understand how inequality is woven into our relationships.”
—Soraya Chemaly, author of Rage Becomes Her