Beacon Press: White Fragility
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White Fragility

Why It's So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism

Author: Robin DiAngelo   Foreword by: Michael Eric Dyson

The New York Times best-selling book exploring the counterproductive reactions white people have when their assumptions about race are challenged that serve to maintain racial inequality

In this “vital, necessary, and beautiful book” (Michael Eric Dyson), antiracist educator Robin DiAngelo deftly illuminates the phenomenon of white fragility and “allows us to understand racism as a practice not restricted to ‘bad people’” (Claudia Rankine). Referring to the defensive moves that white people make when challenged racially, white fragility is characterized by emotions such as anger, fear, and guilt, and by behaviors including argumentation and silence. These behaviors, in turn, function to reinstate white racial equilibrium and prevent any meaningful cross-racial dialogue. In this in-depth exploration, DiAngelo examines how white fragility develops, how it protects racial inequality, and what we can do to engage more constructively.

Download the Reading Guide (PDF)

Download the Discussion Guide for Educators (PDF)

Download the Discussion Guide for UU Communities (PDF)

Take our quiz to find out if you exhibit “white fragility” traits
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“The value in White Fragility lies in its methodical, irrefutable exposure of racism in thought and action, and its call for humility and vigilance.”
—The New Yorker

“[T]houghtful, instructive, and comprehensive . . . This slim book is impressive in its scope and complexity; DiAngelo provides a powerful lens for examining, and practical tools for grappling with, racism today.”
—Publishers Weekly, Starred Review

“White Fragility is a book everyone should be exposed to. With any luck, most who are will be inspired to search themselves and interrupt their contributions to racism.”
—Shelf Awareness, Starred Review

“A valuable guide . . . While especially helpful for those new to the critical analysis of whiteness, this work also offers a useful refresher to anyone committed to the ongoing process of self-assessment and anti-oppression work.”
—Library Journal

“A penetrating new book.”
—Pacific Standard

“A vital, necessary, and beautiful book, a bracing call to white folk everywhere to see their whiteness for what it is and to seize the opportunity to make things better now.”
—Michael Eric Dyson

“As a woman of color, I find hope in this book because of its potential to disrupt the patterns and relationships that have emerged out of long-standing colonial principles and beliefs. White Fragility is an essential tool toward authentic dialogue and action. May it be so!”
—Shakti Butler, president of World Trust and director of Mirrors of Privilege: Making Whiteness Visible

“A rare and incisive examination of the system of white body supremacy that binds us all as Americans. . . . With authenticity and clarity, she provides the antidote to white fragility and a road map for developing white racial stamina and humility. White Fragility loosens the bonds of white supremacy and binds us back together as human beings.”
—Resmaa Menakem, author of My Grandmother’s Hands and Rock the Boat

“As powerful forces of white racism again swell, DiAngelo invites white progressives to have a courageous conversation about their culture of complicity. . . . White Fragility provides important antiracist understanding and essential strategies for well-intentioned white people who truly endeavor to be a part of the solution.”
—Glenn E. Singleton, author of Courageous Conversations About Race

“Robin DiAngelo demonstrates an all-too-rare ability to enter the racial conversation with complexity, nuance, and deep respect. Her writing establishes her mastery in accessing the imaginal, metaphoric mind where the possibility for transformation resides. With an unwavering conviction that change is possible, her message is clear: the incentive for white engagement in racial justice work is ultimately self-liberation.”
—Leticia Nieto, coauthor of Beyond Inclusion, Beyond Empowerment

“White fragility is the secret ingredient that makes racial conversations so difficult and achieving racial equity even harder. But by exposing it and showing us all—including white folks—how it operates and how it hurts us, individually and collectively, Robin DiAngelo has performed an invaluable service. An indispensable volume for understanding one of the most important (and yet rarely appreciated) barriers to achieving racial justice.”
—Tim Wise, author of White Like Me: Reflections on Race from a Privileged Son

“Robin DiAngelo’s White Fragility brings language to the emotional structures that make true discussions about racial attitudes difficult. With clarity and compassion, DiAngelo allows us to understand racism as a practice not restricted to ‘bad people.’ In doing so, she moves our national discussions forward with new ‘rules of engagement.’ This is a necessary book for all people invested in societal change through productive social and intimate relationships.”
—Claudia Rankine

“White Fragility is a must-read for all educators because racism and racial disparities in access and opportunity continue to be an urgent issue in our schools. As educators, we need to summon up the courage and together act deliberately and honestly to develop the skills we need to engage in conversations about bias, race, and racism—especially our own.”
—Val Brown, professional development facilitator and founder of #ClearTheAir
Foreword by Michael Eric Dyson
Author’s Note

Introduction: We Can’t Get There from Here

1
The Challenges of Talking to White People About Racism

2
Racism and White Supremacy

3
Racism After the Civil Rights Movement

4
How Does Race Shape the Lives of White People?

5
The Good/Bad Binary

6
Anti-Blackness

7
Racial Triggers for White People

8
The Result: White Fragility

9
White Fragility in Action

10
White Fragility and the Rules of Engagement

11
White Women’s Tears

12
Where Do We Go from Here?

Resources for Continuing Education
Acknowledgments
Notes

Download a Discussion Guide for Educators (PDF).

 

See below for a discussion guide for all groups or download as a PDF.

BEFORE YOU BEGIN: SUGGESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION

This reading guide is intended to support formal and informal group discussions of White Fragility. We offer the following pedagogical tips as you organize your discussion.

On size

Small group discussions work best when the size of the group is large enough to advance discussion but not so large that any member of the group can avoid sharing--or conversely, wants to share, but cannot find airtime to do so. For this reason, it is recommended that groups target a size of five to seven members. If you are part of a larger study group, just organize yourselves into smaller sub groups of approximately five people.

On composition

There can be strategic advantages to organizing yourself into what are sometimes called affinity groups, wherein people with a shared identity (such as cis-men, or Asian women, or Indigenous people) work through issues particular to them, in a closed group. If your group is diverse, discuss how you want to organize yourselves (in a mixed group or an affinity group for all or part of various chapter discussions).

On monitoring the group

If you are self-monitoring your group, discuss how you will assign a facilitator for each session. This can be a rotating responsibility if you plan to meet over multiple sessions. The task of the facilitator will include keeping the discussion on topic, ensuring shared airtime, and note-taking (if part of a formal discussion group), as well as ensuring that the group’s time is monitored.

On facilitating

Tips for facilitators of white discussion groups

Based on the following patterns, it is highly recommended that a facilitator or team of facilitators be assigned when primarily white groups discuss racism. Facilitators should think of themselves as guides rather than as teachers. This means the overall task of the facilitator is to keep the group focused and on track, with equitable sharing of the airtime. This will be easier to do if at the start of the discussion you tell the group that this is your task. You could even name the patterns ahead of time and ask group members to watch out for these themselves.

Common Patterns

1. Distancing: Identifiable via expressions including “People should just . . . ,” “Society is . . . ,” “How do I tell my coworker . . . ,” “What about all the people who aren’t here today who should be . . . ,” “The executive team at my workplace . . . ,” and “My family member . . . ”

  • Response techniques: “Can you speak to how you see this in your own behaviors/thoughts/beliefs in life/work?” “What part do you see yourself playing?” “What might you do . . . ?” “How is the most effective way for someone to talk with you about your racism?”

2. Checking out: Identifiable via behaviors including texting, working on laptop, engaging in side conversations.

  • Response techniques: At the start, ask participants to put phones/laptops away. Explain that effective discussion on racism often causes disequilibrium for those of us who are white and that technology functions as a way to check out. Further, when people of color are present, the distraction of technology sends a problematic message. Someone who has an emergency or is expecting a text or call should leave the room at that time. Regarding side conversations, the facilitator might say, “I am having trouble hearing. Please give your attention to the speaker.”

3. Dominating the discussion: The same person or people speaking first, at length, immediately, and/or several times while others sit back in silence.

  • Response techniques: “Who haven’t we heard from?” “Let’s wait a little longer to make space for people who need more time.” “I’m going to ask that if we have spoken twice already, we wait until everyone else has had a chance before we speak again.” “Let’s go around the table and check in.” “Does anyone else want to share their perspective?” “We all have a responsibility to share our thoughts so others in the group know where we’re coming from or what we’re struggling with.”

4. Positioning themselves as already getting this/Giving evidence for why this discussion doesn’t apply to them: “I already know all this.” “I come from . . . and I can’t believe how white it is here.” “I realized many years ago that . . .” “I am married to/have children who are . . . ,” followed by distancing (rather than insight and recognition that this doesn’t exempt them and their learning is not finished).

  • Response techniques: “The book poses an important question, ‘How do we know how well we are doing?’ “Where do you see your current learning edge?” “DiAngelo states that nothing exempts us from the forces of racism. How are situations that are unique to us still informed by racism?” “How does being white shape one’s sense that they are ‘beyond’ this discussion?” “Can you name three actions in the last month that demonstrate your awareness in practice?”

5. Hopelessness: “Racism is never going to end.” “I can’t do anything.” “What are we supposed to do?” “This is just about making us feel guilty.” “We have been doing this for years now and nothing changes.” “The administration are the ones that need this and they just don’t care.”

  • Response techniques: “The author speaks to the question of guilt. What points does she make?” “If we apply the question the author asks, How does our discouragement function? how would we answer?” “What concrete actions have you attempted thus far? What books have you read? What antiracism networks have you joined? The perception that nothing can be done often keeps the existing system in place.”

6. Expecting people of color to teach us (white people) about race: Turning to people of color for answers or to go first: “I grew up in a sheltered environment, so I don’t know anything about race.” “Sharon, tell me about the racism you have experienced.” “Sharon, you go first.”

  • Response techniques: If you are in a multiracial reading group, don’t assume that the people of color will speak first. If uncertain, ask them what they prefer. “While those of us who are white need to listen to people of color, in this context let’s take some risks and go first.” “People of color and Indigenous people have spent a lot of time thinking and speaking out about white supremacy and against racism. This is the time for white people to step up to the conversation.” “Mainstream society often has us focus on the targets of oppression rather than the agents. In this setting, focusing on people of color can let white people off the hook for naming their participation in racist systems.” “How have you managed thus far not to know the answers to your questions on racism?”

7. Claiming this discussion doesn’t apply to them because they are not from the US: “I’m from Germany and we don’t have these issues there.” “Canada is a multicultural society.” “It’s completely different where I am from because everyone is the same.”

  • Response techniques: “At what age were you aware that black people existed? Where did they live? If in Africa, what were your impressions of Africa? Where did you get your information about Africa?” “Did you watch Hollywood movies? If so, what impressions did you get about African Americans from US movies? What about Disney movies and cartoons?” “What was your relationship to Asian heritage people? What were Asian people like, in your mind?” and so on.

Countering Common Patterns via Silence Breakers

These sentence starters, termed “silence breakers,” are suggested openings intended to address two common challenges for white people in cross-racial discussions: First, the fear of losing face, making a mistake, or not being able to manage impressions that often prevent white people from authentic engagement. Second, the lack of humility we often have when discussing racism. The silence breakers can help engender a stance of curiosity and humility that counters the certitude many white people have regarding our racial perspectives. In doing so, they tend to open, rather than close, discussion and connection.

Silence Breakers

  1. I’m really nervous/scared/uncomfortable saying this and/but . . .
  2. From my experience/perspective as [identity] . . .
  3. I’m afraid I may offend someone, and please let know if I do, but . . .
  4. I’m not sure if this will make any sense, and/but . . .
  5. I just felt something shift in the room. I’m wondering if anyone else did.
  6. It seems as though some people may have had a reaction to that. Can you help me understand why?
  7. Can you help me understand whether what I’m thinking right now might be problematic?
  8. This is what I understand you to be saying: ____ Is that accurate?
  9. I’m having a “yeah but.” Can you help me work through it?
  10. I’m engaged but just needing time to process this. What I am working on processing is _____.

Additional Tips for a Productive Discussion

As DiAngelo notes, white people addressing white fragility surfaces several dilemmas. First, it requires that white people be centered in the conversation about racism. This can be problematic because it reinforces the white centering that is taken for granted in society at large (it is the author’s hope, however, that it is a centering that exposes, rather than protects, the workings of white supremacy). Second, it positions white people—yet again—as the experts. Based on these dilemmas, the following points are important to keep in mind:

  1. This book and its arguments build on antiracism scholarship and activism that people of color have written for generations. That scholarship has been fundamental to the ability of the author to explicate white fragility. Use this text as the starting point—rather than the ending point—to educate yourself on racism. There are many suggestions for engaging with the work of people of color in the Resources for Continuing Education section of the book.
  2. The primary goal for white people working to understand racism is not to learn how racism impacts people of color. The primary goal is to recognize how the system of racism shapes our lives, how we uphold that system, and how we might interrupt it.
  3. For people of color, multiracial, and Indigenous peoples who are part of an informal or formal discussion group, the book and this guide will hopefully validate your lived experiences and offer some helpful insight into the challenges of trying to talk to white people about racism. Like the book, this guide is primarily focused on raising the consciousness and increasing the cross-racial skills of white people. In so doing, many of the questions will be specific to them. Yet while the work of this text is primarily focused on the role that white people play within the system of racism, people of color are exposed to the same messages and must also consider how those messages have impacted them and the resultant role they may play. This dynamic is colloquially described as “assimilation” (or “acting white”) and is described in scholarship as “collusion.” These terms refer to people of color upholding values and behaviors that negatively impact their own and other groups of color and ultimately support white supremacy. There are many pressures to collude, the foremost of which is that there are rewards for conformity with the system. If we behave in ways that the dominant group finds favorable, we will likely receive benefits (or at least minimize penalties) in our daily interactions with them. As you study the dynamic of white fragility, consider your role and responsibilities in relation to collusion and adapt questions accordingly and as needed.

Note for those using this guide outside of the US context

The dynamics of white fragility are familiar in all societies in which white people hold institutional power and/or have a white settler colonial history, including Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Europe, and South Africa. While the book focuses on the specific sociopolitical context of the US, it is for you to reflect on how these dynamics manifest in your specific sociopolitical context. For white people who did not grow up in the US but live in the US now, consider how US-based racial dynamics (and globally circulating US cultural stories and images) shape your current ideas about race, your life, and cross-racial relationships.

For all readers

The chapter questions are intended to deepen your reflection and understanding of the chapters and constructively inform your response to white fragility.

Keep the following principles in mind. You may need to return to them on occasion, so consider posting them in the room or having them available on cards:

  1. A strong opinion is not the same as informed knowledge.
  2. There is a difference between agreement and understanding. When discussing complex social and institutional dynamics such as racism, consider whether “I don’t agree” may actually mean “I don’t understand.”
  3. We have a deep interest in denying the forms of oppression that benefit us. We may also have an interest in denying forms of oppression that harm us. For example, people of color can deny the existence of racism and even support its structures. This denial may keep them from feeling overwhelmed by the daily slights or protect them from the penalties of confronting white people on racism. However, regardless of the reason, this denial still benefits whites at the group level, not people of color.
  4. Racism goes beyond individual intentions to collective group patterns.
  5. We don’t have to be aware of racism in order for it to exist.
  6. Our racial position (whether we identify as white, a person of color, or multiracial) will greatly affect our ability to see racism. For example, if we swim against the “current” of racial privilege, it’s often easier to recognize, while it’s harder to recognize if we swim with the current.
  7. Putting our effort into protecting rather than expanding our current worldview prevents our intellectual and emotional growth.

Before you begin discussing chapter by chapter, spend some time reviewing the guidelines above.

***********************

Chapter 1: The Challenges of Talking to White People About Racism

  1. Identify a passage from chapter 1 that invokes any sense of discomfort. Highlight this passage and return to reading it periodically as you work through the book. What does this passage reveal about your socialization into the white racial frame? Does your discomfort shift over time? If so, what supported that shift?
  2. If you are working through these questions as part of a white discussion group, how will you keep the discussion on track (focused on ourselves and our own participation)? How will you ensure that when common white patterns surface (distancing, intellectualizing, rationalizing), you will work to identify and challenge them rather than ignore or avoid them?
  3. How do so many white people feel so confident in their opinions on racism, even as they live their lives in segregation?
  4. How can we make generalizations about what it means to be white when we don’t know each person’s individual story?
  5. What are some constructive ways to use your emotional reactions when your opinions on racism are challenged?
  6. Explain in your own words the author’s critique of the ideology of individualism.

Chapter 2: Racism and White Supremacy

  1. What does it mean to say that race is “socially constructed”?
  2. What is the difference between racial prejudice, racial discrimination, and racism?
  3. What does the author mean when she says that there is no such thing as reverse racism?
  4. How does the birdcage metaphor illustrate oppression?
  5. What is scientific racism? Give some examples of how scientific racism is conveyed today.
  6. What does Cheryl Harris mean when describing whiteness as a form of property?
  7. What is problematic about the idea of the US as a great “melting pot”? How did the melting pot actually work?
  8. Discuss Coates’s statement that race is the child of racism, not the father.
  9. The author cites Ruth Frankenberg’s description of whiteness as “a location of structural advantage, a standpoint from which white people look at ourselves, at others, and at society, and a set of cultural practices that are not named or acknowledged.” Explain each of these dimensions in your own words.
  10. How is the author using the term “white supremacy”?

The White Racial Frame

  1. Explain the concept of the white racial frame. What are some examples?
  2. Take a few minutes to share some of your answers to the reflection questions on pp. 35-37. What surprised you? (These questions can be downloaded as a handout from www.robindiangelo.com.)
  3. What patterns in the answers to the reflection questions do you notice within the group?
  4. What insights do the answers give you on implicit aspects of our racial socialization?
  5. What are some ways in which racism is “deeply embedded in the fabric” of society? Provide some examples.

Chapter 3: Racism After the Civil Rights Movement

  1. What is the impact of white people not knowing our racial history?
  2. What is color-blind racism and why is it problematic?
  3. How did racism change and adapt after the civil rights era? Consider attitudes as well as behaviors.
  4. Why does the author say that white progressives cause the most daily harm to people of color?
  5. Why does the author consider young white people today to be no less racist than white people in the past?
  6. How would you respond to someone who says, “Doesn’t it all come down to what your parents taught you?”

Chapter 4: How Does Race Shape the Lives of White People?

  1. The author traces some of the specific ways that her life has been shaped by racism. Consider your own socialization. In what specific ways has your life been shaped by racism? (If you are white, try to answer this question without mentioning people of color).
  2. Identify at least three ways that white racial belonging has been conveyed to you in the last week (you might start by opening your wallet and looking at the bills there).
  3. What are the earliest racial messages you can recall? Try to move beyond what you were openly told and work to identify implicit messages.
  4. In what settings have you experienced the expectation of white solidarity/racial silence? How has that expectation been communicated to you? How have you responded? What consequences have you faced or fear you will face by breaking with white solidarity?
  5. The author describes the power of segregation. She argues that this segregation is “active.” What does this mean?
  6. Discuss how various patterns of segregation across your lifespan shape your racial frame.
  7. If you are white, which of the patterns discussed in this chapter have you seen in yourself? Which of the patterns challenge you the most? Why?
  8. Consider some aspects of your identity other than race (i.e., gender, sexuality, religion, class, ability, nationality, age). How does race shape how you experience these identities? For example, how might being white shape how you experience disability? Poverty? Gender identity and expression?
  9. If you are a person of color, how have you witnessed white people enacting white solidarity?
  10. The author states that white ignorance is not simply a matter of not knowing; it is a highly effective response that protects white investments in racism and thus is actively maintained. Discuss this statement.
  11. What does the author mean when she says that white people are not, in fact, racially innocent? How can we know much about race if we have lived separately?

Chapter 5: The Good/Bad Binary

  1. What does it mean to say that racism is “a structure, not an event”?
  2. The author suggests that one of the most effective barriers to talking about racism with white people is the good/bad binary. How have you seen this binary underlying common white responses to charges of racism? How might you respond when the binary surfaces in discussions about racism?
  3. If you are white, share some examples of the good/bad binary in your own responses to suggestions that you are complicit with racism.
  4. When the author challenges the idea that we are all unique and therefore cannot be generalized about, what thoughts and feelings come up for you? How might these thoughts and feelings function?
  5. The author lists two types of narratives that are commonly used by white people to deny complicity with racism: color-blind and color-celebrate (p. 77). Which narratives have you used yourself, or still use? If you could speak back to yourself with the voice of the author, how would you counter the narrative?
  6. How can a white person still enact racism in a close relationship with a person of color? Doesn’t the close relationship itself prove that the person is not racist? Explain how and why enacting racism in a close relationship with a person of color is not only possible but inevitable.
  7. If you are white, when was the last time someone challenged you to look at an aspect of yourself related to racism? How did you feel? How did you respond? What insights did/can you gain from the exchange? If no one has ever challenged you (or not in a very long time), what might that tell you about how whiteness shapes your life?

Chapter 6: Anti-Blackness

  1. The author claims that in the white mind, black people are the ultimate racial other. What does this mean?
  2. What does it mean to say that anti-blackness is present across all communities of color, even within black communities?
  3. How does the author make the case that the construction of white identity and white superiority was in fact dependent upon the simultaneous creation of a particular idea of blackness? How are these ideas sustained?
  4. What are some of the misunderstandings about affirmative action and what do these misunderstandings reveal about anti-blackness?
  5. Why haven’t affirmative action programs changed our racial outcomes?
  6. What does the author mean when she suggests that causing pain and suffering for black people rests on a sense of white righteousness?
  7. Return to the reflection questions on the white racial frame on pp. 34-36 and answer them while replacing the term “people of color” with the term “black people.” What do you notice?
  8. The author states that the film The Blind Side is “insidiously anti-black.” Using the framework of the book, explain how a viewer can not notice the anti-black messages yet still be shaped by them.
  9. Consider the bulleted list following the author’s analysis of The Blind Side. In which other films have you seen these racial scripts?

Chapter 7: Racial Triggers for White People

  1. Discuss the social taboos mentioned on p. 100. Give examples of each from your own life.
  2. Explain the triggers listed in this chapter in your own words and share examples of each in daily life.
  3. The author writes that white people have limited information about what racism is and how it works, while at the same time they have very strong opinions about racism. Explain how both of these can be true at the same time. In your own words, practice stating the difference between having information about what racism is and having opinions about what racism is.
  4. The author shares the story of Mr. Roberts and lists the ways that the two teachers in the story dismissed what they did not understand. Discuss this example. How have you seen or participated in these forms of dismissal?
  5. How does the author challenge the idea that our intentions are “what count”?
  6. Discuss Bourdieu’s concept of habitus as a way to understand the racial disequilibrium that leads to white fragility. In what ways is this concept helpful in explaining how racial disequilibrium works?

Chapter 8: The Result: White Fragility

  1. What is the “discourse of self-defense”? Have you ever used it yourself? If so, thinking about it now, how did it function in the interaction?
  2. Share a time that you experienced your own white fragility or witnessed another white person’s.
  3. What strategies do white people use to reset white racial equilibrium?
  4. As a white colleague, how would you explain to Karen (p. 107) what is problematic about her response? If you are a person of color, what strategies could you use to address Karen’s white fragility?
  5. Why are questions such as “What is the right thing to say?” or “What am I supposed to say?” the wrong questions? How might you respond the next time you hear these questions?
  6. The author claims that white fragility functions as a form of bullying. How so?
  7. What is meant by the statement that white fragility is “white racial control.” How does white fragility function as racial control?
  8. The author ends this chapter by sharing an interaction with a man of color who, when asked what it would be like for white people to be open to feedback, replied, “It would be revolutionary.” She asks white readers to consider the profundity of this man’s reply. What feelings did you have when you read that response?
  9. How might this man’s reply inform how you respond to feedback from people of color, going forward?

Chapter 9: White Fragility in Action

  1. Why are white people more receptive to other white people (rather than people of color) educating them on race? What does this say about the role white people must play in addressing systemic racism in society broadly and specifically in our homes, with our friends and family members, and in our workplaces with our colleagues?
  2. What are the opportunities and dilemmas of white people educating each other on racism?
  3. Discuss the claims on pp. 119-120. Have you ever made any of these claims yourself?
  4. Now consider the assumptions underlying those claims on p. 121. Which ones have you held? Do you still hold some of these? If so, how do they function for you and what would it mean to you to shift them (what do you see yourself as having to “give up”)?
  5. In your group, take turns speaking back to the assumptions your group members shared in question 4. Which speak backs were the most effective for you?
  6. What is the language of self-defense and why is it problematic?

Chapter 10: White Fragility and the Rules of Engagement

  1. The author presents a set of eleven “cardinal rules” (pp. 123-24) when giving feedback to white people regarding racist assumptions and patterns. For each rule of engagement, provide an example of the rule in action.
  2. What assumptions do these rules rest on?
  3. DiAngelo presents these rules in a language of critique in order to reveal how they function. Of course the “rules” are rarely explicitly expressed this way. Consider what you hear white people say that communicates “do not give me feedback under any circumstances” etc.? Go through each of the eleven rules and share how you have heard these rules expressed in practice.
  4. How would you rewrite these rules from an antiracist framework? (A worksheet for rewriting the rules of engagement can be downloaded from robindiangelo.com/resources.)
  5. In your own words, what is problematic about common guidelines for building trust in discussions about racism (e.g., “don’t judge”)? How do these guidelines function? Who are they for? Whose comfort do they protect?
  6. The rules of engagement around white fragility have at least three parts: those giving feedback, those receiving feedback, and those witnessing these exchanges. Practice some language for each by preparing your own “sentence starters” such as the silence breakers above. How might you begin to give feedback? How might you respond to feedback given to you? What might you say as you witness an exchange of feedback?

Chapter 11: White Women’s Tears

  1. The author opens this chapter with the story of a woman of color in a multiracial group stating that she did not want to be subjected to white women’s tears. Why were white women as

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White Fragility

ISBN: 978-080704740-8
 Publication Date: 11/17/2020
 Size:6 x 9 Inches (US)
Price:  $26.95
Format: Cloth
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