A collection of humorous Q&As about everything you’ve always wanted to ask about birds and birding
“You will be hard-pressed to find a funnier writer in all of birding than Mike O’Connor.” Birder’s World Magazine
Mike O’Connor knows bird watchers as well as he knows birds. He knows that if you’re even slightly interested in identifying birds or attracting them to your backyard with a feeder, then you’ve also had your share of strange and silly questions about birds and their sometimes inexplicable behavior. In Why Do Bluebirds Hate Me?, O’Connor applies his deep knowledge of all things avian to answer the questions that keep birders up at night. Questions like
- Should you clean your birdhouses?
- Do swallows have a feather fetish?
- How much does it cost to run a heated birdbath?
- Is drinking coffee bad for birds?
Other questions O’Connor covers range from the practical (Should I rotate the seed in my feeder?) to the quirky (Why are vultures eating my vinyl screen door?) to the just plain adorable (Are those birds kissing or feeding each other?). And he also explains why bluebirds just don’t seem to like some people.
Reviews
Review: American Birding Association blog - January 29, 2014
“[A] whimsical and insightful new opus...a treasure-trove of information.”
Review: Houston Chronicle - December 5, 2013
"I laughed as I learned my way through this quirky, well-researched question-and-answer book."
Review: Booklist - September 1, 2013
"A nice selection of quirky and more common questions that teach the reader quite a bit of ornithology between the chuckles."
Review: Publishers Weekly - May 2, 2013
"This detailed q&a will appeal to bird enthusiasts and birdwatchers, but O'Connor's friendly approach will also appeal to novices."
INTRODUCTION Exactly the Same, Only Different
When I mentioned to a friend that I was putting together another book, he asked what this new book would be about. His response caught me off guard. We have been friends for a long time. He knows me pretty well and is aware that I don’t know much else once the topic gets beyond birds. Still, I understand why he was asking. After all, I had already written one bird Q&A book. Does the world really need a sequel
My response to that is, yes, of course it does. (How else do you think I was going to answer that) I don’t know when the first cookbook came out, but cookbooks didn’t end with that original book. They still keep coming. There will always be newer and yummier recipes to write about. This same principle applies to bird Q&A books. I’ve been operating a birding store for over thirty years, and hardly a day goes by when I don’t hear a question I’ve never heard before. Some questions are trivial, some are intriguing, and a few truly scare me.
One of the main reasons for this sequel is that sometimes people want to ask a question but it takes them a while to work up the nerve. It’s like when we go to the local auditorium to hear someone speak about some topic (birds, flowers, pet hypnotism) that we thought we were interested in at the time. Sometimes the talks are enlightening, and sometimes they make us wish we had stayed home and done the laundry.
But whether the talks are good or bad, they all end the same way: the speaker’s last four words are always, “Anyone have a question” For the next eight seconds the room is filled with deadly silence. Half the people in the audience want to ask a question but are too self-conscious to be the first to raise a hand; the other half of the audience are praying that no one raises a hand so they can get the heck out of there, or at least be first to the refreshment table.
This book was written for the first half of the audience. It is for the people who were too shy to raise a hand and thus their question didn’t make it into my previous book, Why Don’t Woodpeckers Get Headaches? And Other Bird Questions You Know You Want to Ask. I realize this book should have come out sooner, but I’ve been busy hanging out at the refreshment table with the other half of the audience. They’re my kind of people.
Writing a Q&A bird column for Cape Cod’s weekly newspapers is not as easy as it sounds. There are always issues to deal with. For example, some folks insist I get right to the point and give them a straight answer. Others don’t like seeing their name in print. First of all, I never give a straight answer, so making such stipulations is a waste of time. Second, relax. I use only first names. No matter how lame the question is, no one is going to know you asked it. I’m sure there is more than one Mary or Rick in, say, Tallahassee. Besides, having your name appear in a bird column is not the worst thing in the world. It’s not like having your name in the police blotter or the obituaries. Asking questions about birds is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s not as bad as admitting to being from Tallahassee.
One of my favorite ways to receive a question is what I call the “clandestine approach.” Someone will catch my eye at work and motion for me to come over to a dark corner of the store. They want to talk to me privately. Suddenly, I feel like I’m about to receive national secrets from Deep Throat. But instead of secrets, I’m asked which is the last bird to go to bed at night or why wrens have such weird tails. Edgy stuff. Soon I understand why these people don’t want to be overheard by anyone else.
In this book I’ve tried to answer the questions that didn’t make it in the first time around. I’ve also included questions from the shy, the paranoid, and the clandestine types. I address such burning topics as these: Why do hummingbirds hum? Why do doves’ wings whistle? Do woodpeckers take baths? (Again with the woodpeckers.) I also add a few columns on birds that many folks aren’t familiar with. (Ever see a Hoopoe) It’s my way of trying to expand the readers’ bird horizons. There’s life beyond backyard chickadees and wren tails, you know.
I’m often asked what is the strangest question I’ve ever gotten, to which I reply, “That question.” (It always leads to puzzled looks.) However, I think the top contender for the strangest question has to be one I found on my answering machine one morning. (I swear this is true.) A lady called wanting to know if thistle (nyjer) seed is safe for humans to eat. It seems this woman had bought a bag of thistle, took it home, and put it in a different container to keep it fresh. The next morning she found her houseguest chowing down a bowl of fresh thistle. We played her call over and over until the tape wore out. (I’m starting to understand why some people have second thoughts about asking me questions.) The person who ate the seed suffered no ill effects, BTW, but reportedly now sleeps by standing on one leg and sings very early in the morning.
One last thing: When my first book was released, some folks complained that the illustrations didn’t match the text. They suggested that when I wrote about a Belted Kingfisher, for example, it would have been helpful if an appropriate illustration had accompanied the text. In this new book I responded to those complaints by ignoring them. There are tons of precisely illustrated books out there. I didn’t want to compete with them. It just wouldn’t be fair to those other books. Besides, illustrations cost money. If the publisher put extra dough into illustrations, there wouldn’t be enough left to pay me. I certainly can’t have that.
Introduction: Exactly the Same, Only Different............................ ix
1.
Birds Everyone Should Know
Why Do Bluebirds Hate Me?...................................................... 1
Woodpeckers Do Take Baths....................................................... 4
Hip Catbirds........................................................................... 7
Whatís with All the Grackles?................................................... 10
Why Hummingbirds Hum....................................................... 12
Carolina Wrens Singiní in the Fall........................................... 14
Titmice Love Peanuts but Hate Water....................................... 16
No-Bird Syndrome.................................................................. 19
Birds Canít Afford Bottled Water.............................................. 21
Not All Cardinals Are Catholic................................................ 23
2.
Itís Time to Look Past the Feathers
Donít Call Me ìPretty Boyî...................................................... 26
Swans Support Integration...................................................... 29
Sandhill Cranes Migrate (Mostly)............................................. 31
Quail Chicks Have Two Dads.................................................. 34
Theyíre Called Snowy Owls for a Reason.................................... 36
Doves Can Whistle without Moving Their Lips........................... 39
Cattle Egrets Fit Right In......................................................... 41
Fearless Red-breasted Nuthatches.............................................. 43
Chickens Get No Respect.......................................................... 45
Donít Be a Bird Bigot.............................................................. 48
3.
A Few Things Even You Can Do
The Cost of Running a Heated Birdbath.................................... 51
Clean Your Birdhouses!........................................................... 54
Sugar Water Brings More Than Just Hummingbirds................... 57
Bluebird Housing................................................................... 59
Tree Swallows, the Bluebird Alternative..................................... 61
Homeless Baby Ospreys............................................................ 64
Vintage Birdseed Is Not the Best................................................ 66
Orioles Like It Sweet, Perhaps Too Sweet.................................... 67
Oh, Rats!.............................................................................. 68
Rotating Seed........................................................................ 70
4.
Thereís More to Life Than the Backyard
Pyrrhuloxia Is a Real Bird (Not a Strange Disease)..................... 73
Avocets, the Birds to See When You Canít Go Shopping................ 76
Spoonbills Donít Eat Soup or Chowder....................................... 78
Kookaburras Always Get the Joke.............................................. 81
Lapland Longspurs, More Fun Than Going to the Dentist........... 84
Caracara, the Mexican Eagle................................................... 86
Not All Flycatchers Are Dull..................................................... 89
NÎnÎ, Not Easy to Say and Impossible to Type............................. 91
5.
Bet You Didnít Know Birds Did This
All Hatched Out and Ready to Go............................................ 94
Some Birds Fly in the Dark Better Than Owls............................. 97
Paint-Eating Jays................................................................... 99
Bee-Eating Birds.................................................................. 101
Puffins Arenít That Fussy...................................................... 103
Kissing Cardinals................................................................ 106
HummingbirdsóTheyíre on Everyoneís Menu.......................... 108
Vinyl-Eating Vultures........................................................... 110
6.
Donít Forget Cities Have Birds, Too
Big-City Lifestyle Suits Peregrine Falcons Just Fine.................... 113
Birding in Central Park........................................................ 116
The Legend of Pale Male....................................................... 118
City Turkey......................................................................... 121
City Bird Assortment............................................................. 123
7.
Being Free as a Bird Isnít Always That Great
Birds and Power LinesóSometimes It Works,
Sometimes Not So Much........................................................ 126
Battling Hurricanes............................................................. 128
Birds Care about Which Coffee You Drink................................ 131
Pesticides Arenít as Healthy as They Sound.............................. 134
The Disappearing Song of the Wood Thrush............................. 136
Weíll See Your Sparrow and Raise You a Squirrel...................... 138
Birds and Planesóand You Think YOU
Have Trouble with the Airlines............................................... 141
The Loss of the Carolina Parakeet........................................... 144
8.
Birds Are Superstarsóand Publishers and Hollywood Know It
Bond, James Bond, Ornithologist............................................ 147
African Eagles Canít Compare to Ours.................................... 150
That Quail, Robert............................................................... 153
Turkeys Donít Come in Flocks................................................. 155
A Good Movie No One Saw................................................... 158
9.
A Bird Buffet
And You Think YOUR Feet Are Cold...................................... 161
The Twelve Days of Christmas Explained, Finally..................... 164
How Could Anyone Be Afraid of a Chickadee?......................... 166
Even Scary Places Have Birds................................................ 168
Red Squirrels, the Overlooked Annoyance................................. 171
Stick with Who You Know..................................................... 174
Scary Owls.......................................................................... 176
Donít Give Kids ìBird Stuffî................................................. 178
Turkeys Rule, Eagles Drool.................................................... 181
Start the Year with a Bird List . . . Instead of a Hangover.......... 183